Losing control
by syfygeek1
Summary: Hermione is not the heartless brain that she appears to be. What is going on inside her head is a battle only she can fight for herself. If she doesn't win, then both worlds may be lost. Can she fight her inner demons?


She had nothing to lose. All she had left of her family was memories. That's all they would be to her now, a past life that she could never go back to. It was the hardest thing she had ever had to do, but Hermione didn't see any other choice. She loved them too much to have them die because of her. No, that had been the only way, her only option. She had broken her vow never to use magic on her parents, but she laughed now at that promise to herself she had made so many years ago. She would have rather faced Voldemort himself than to have had that one spell slip out of her mouth.

But all that was behind her. Hermione had to push forward with the task at hand and stop dwelling on past events. The wizarding world was her home now. With Harry and Ron; they were her best friends, and she loved them with all her heart.

Since Ron had left the two of them, Hermione had been trying to find her place in the group without him being there. She had recently felt like she had become a nuisance, a third-member of the trio that was their only for her smarts; her brain. Sure they needed her on this quest to save both worlds and destroy Lord Voldemort and his followers, but after that, what good was she? She was just a witch with a knack for books and spells. If they won the battle, would they really still need her, or even want her?

"No. Little Miss mudblood all alone. Her friends have abandoned her." The screeches of laughter pierced Hermione's ears. She fell over, her hands covering her ears to try and get the sound to stop. "Harry Potter will be a celebrity. He will have no need for his friends. Anything he wants, he will get. And Ron, he has his family. His Mom and Dad and brothers and sister. Always there for him. But you, you have no one left, nothing to go back to. Just you and your fancy words. Dustless books piled high in an empty house." The voice let out another shriek, and then laughter followed.

"Stop it! You-you don't know what you're talking about," Hermione tried to recoil, but her voice sounded weak and distant.

"You haven't even told them about your parents. Did you erase their memories to protect them or because you were disgusted of who you are? Do you even look in the mirror anymore, or can you not bare the sight of your own reflection? Being the smartest witch was just a way to overcompensate for being nothing. You don't belong in this world, and you don't belong in the muggle world either." The voice seemed to hiss at her.

"It must be the necklace," Hermione murmured to herself. She quickly reached for it around her neck, and threw the necklace off onto her bed.

"I'm sorry Harry, I-I can't wear it right now. I'm so sorry." She spoke to him as she left the tent. He had been sitting outside dozing off. She walked past him and kept on walking. She needed to get away, to think by herself.

Hermione didn't know how far she had gone, but she could no longer see the smoke from the fire she had earlier built, or the light from the tent. She took a few more steps and then collapsed on the back of a pine tree trunk. The ground was moist, quickly dampening her clothing, but she didn't care or notice it. Her mind was drifting in and out of what was real and what she thought was insanity taking over.

The light from the sun was quickly fading away, casting its last shadow over the Earth. Darkness would soon be upon her, and Hermione knew that if she didn't get back to the tent soon, Harry would worry.

She pulled her knees into her body, her arms hugging them tightly and she bent her head down and cried. She cried for everyone who had died because of this war. All the innocent muggles that didn't know what was going on; for Harry who felt as numb on the inside as she did; for the Weasley family; for Ron… So many people she had lost that she could never say bye to; that she could never say I love you..

Without realizing it, Hermione had closed her eyes, suddenly over exhausted. Her head felt like it was about to explode. She quickly drifted off to sleep.


End file.
